I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Semen is not good for contacts.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
