thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
