u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
