What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
