I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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