Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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