I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
