Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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