Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
