She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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