'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
