the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
