Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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