I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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