How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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