All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
