so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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