I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Pants are for mortals
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
