I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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