I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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