You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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