Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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