i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
