So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
