so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so let's talk penis.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
