Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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