He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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