Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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