I am midnight drunk by noon
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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