Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
