hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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