very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
