May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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