I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
