i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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