can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
