why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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