I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
