I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
