my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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