I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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