sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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