Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
