He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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