You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
