I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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