U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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