She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
