I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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