i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
