there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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