Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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