So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
