It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
