Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
