its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
