I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
