I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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