my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
wow bdsm is so cute
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
