I showed him my bush... on skype.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
