i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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