i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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