You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
