I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
