do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
