Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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