My Higher Power is John Stamos
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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