if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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