i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Two words: blizzard sex
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
