1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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