You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
PANTIES FOUND
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