All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
