Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
