Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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